There's a hole in my dress
09.26.2018
“Wabi Sabi is, in one respect, the condition of coming to terms with what you consider ugly.” -Leonard Koren
Last weekend I decided to make a dress. I’ve made the sleeveless version of this dress three times, and the long sleeved shirt once. There was even a tutorial on the blog on two different methods to combine them. I planned on making a perfect black denim dress I could wear proudly all year round.
A different thing happened instead.
So, first of all, it turns out chambray is not denim. Denim is hearty and rugged and resilient to mistakes. Chambray is thin and fragile,just waiting to run and pull. Tears in it leave a stipple of white threads dotting its beautiful dark surface.
Of course, how chambray looks when it pulls and runs is only relevant if you cause pulls and runs. Which, of course, I did. This hole began with the observation that the side was dimpled where some gathers from the skirt were caught in the side seam. No big deal, I thought, I’ll just open the seam and re-sew it. As soon as I began to open the seam, I ripped 2 holes into the side of the dress, leaving tufts of white threads surrounding 2 rather large open tears.
I’d like to pause here, on my reaction to this mistake, the first of the many that turned my aspirational perfect black dress into an emotional encounter with my own imperfections and limitations. When I tore the hole I thought, “what an idiot. Here I was rushing to open the seam and I made a tear. So careless. If only I were more careful!” Of course, I couldn’t only be upset about my carelessness, I also had to pause for a brief referendum on whether I am even a competent maker at all. And, once I began to evaluate my competence, there was the question of hubris–what made me think I was ready to use this material? I was so uninformed I didn’t even realize what I ordered wasn’t denim. This is the amateur mistake of a person who doesn’t even know the difference between denim and chambray!
So, now, in the cold light of day, I’d like to look more closely at that reaction. Much to my chagrin, I’m going to have to quote Oprah saying, “Every failure is a teacher.” If this white tufted tear is here to teach me, surely it is here to help me come to terms with the inevitability of mistakes, and maybe one day it will even share a lesson on celebrating them.